I’m not that smart. And it makes me one of the smartest people I know.

This piece is for you if you’ve ever felt not that smart. It's a proposition that it might make you one of the smartest people I know too. This piece is also for you if you love people who don’t think they are that smart.

If there is a hierarchy of intelligence in the year 2024 I’m probably scoring below average, and if you don't believe me, know that I have the SAT scores to prove it, eight out of ten things I publish on the internet have grammatical errors, most science flies far above my head, I can barely understand how our government or policy works, and even my mom makes fun of my spelling. If smart has standards I am not passing them. 

Because of all this, when someone calls me “ignorant” it hits deep. A stranger, a friend, an acquaintance, it doesn’t matter, the word itself is like a sharp blade to my ego. And here’s where my story turns… in my 45 years on this planet, I have learned to pause. Because of the ways I have studied and applied the principles of growth mindset and mental health, that stab to my ego now quickly becomes an invitation. 

This morning someone I haven’t spoken to in a decade started a text message to me with the words “you are ignorant.” It was in regards to a current supreme court case regarding trans rights. I’m not gonna lie she did go on to say why she thought my viewpoint was ignorant so there’s a possibility she wasn’t attacking my entire identity, but for the purposes of this piece the point is that reading those words was a full body triggering experience for the part of me that doesn’t believe I am smart. 

In the twisted reality of being human, the very pain she activated also became a door for my growth. If she hadn’t had triggered me so intensely I might not have been curious enough to press play on the YouTube link she shared further down in her mean girl message. The link came after the part where she said: “Open your eyes a little further…” and “Your argument reminds me of adults who are so immature they think children are gurus…” and  “...in case there is some liberal rhetoric going through your mind…” and “Woke isn’t as rainbows and unicorns as you think it is.”

(a pause here to say, I am human and of course I want to punch her in the face, but I probably won’t)

Back to the door for growth. When I saw she shared links my first reaction was “OH HELL NO.” My second reaction, after the deep breath and pause, was to press play. I listened to 45 minutes and 29 seconds of the first link while I cleaned my kitchen. There are still 31 minutes and 2 seconds left, and because I’m radically curious I’ll probably go back and listen while I walk my dog later. But I paused to write this because what struck me like a brick to the face was that I’ve changed. 

I used to believe my lack of feeling smart was a weakness— that it held me back. But today the word “ignorant” didn’t hold me back. It activated my curiosity, it asked me to re-evaluate my opinion, and it made me think more critically, not less. In a world that’s changing every millisecond of our existence, if that isn’t smart than what is? This morning, it was the trigger itself that invited me to grow. Had I not had such a visceral reaction to her words, combined with the investment I’ve made to my own brain I would have ignored her and the video she shared. And let me tell you I have things to say about this video!

If you aren’t one of the many of us programmed to think we aren’t smart, let me start by saying that when this operating system is running in you, you are very susceptible to people's opinions. You can be easily swayed, and without careful attention it can end less than optimally. Basically you walk around the world thinking almost everyone knows more and better. 

As I started listening to this conversation between two trans people, I felt the sway creeping in: “maybe I am wrong” “maybe they are right” “maybe I am ignorant and a danger to myself and society.” The voices in our heads are no joke. 

I can’t stress enough the part where I invested a stupid amount of money into my brain and it gives me the ability to remain an objective witness to my experience as I am having it. (Get yourself a good life coach, therapist, and or a degree in social science). 

So here I am listening to this video, and I keep listening even though it’s activating the social justice warrior in me in a not so nice way. I listen until I realize that these people actually have some really good points to make, AND they are wildly off target on many accounts. Their argument against early gender affirming care isn’t terrible, but it’s also dare I say a little ignorant. 

My willingness to think critically as I listen, and to stick with it long enough, is a major facilitator in my growth. I may not be the smartest person you know, but my open mind is the very thing that makes me smart. I suspect a lot of you reading this are pretty flipping smart too. Maybe like me you fail miserably when taking standardized tests but your social, creative, and inquisitive mind is far more valuable to society than your ability to hold facts and figures tucked into your brain files.  

Today I was reminded that the very things that trigger me, the things that energize my trauma responses, are opportunities, and the fact that I take those opportunities makes me, as we say in Massachusetts, WICKED SMAHT. My challenge to you today is to get out of your head and remember that you too are WICKED SMAHT. And stay tuned… There's more coming on the subject of the video about trans care. Even though she was mean about it, I’m glad she shared it with me this morning.